I have been at both sides of this swinging pendulum and think I might have finally closed my own Pandoras Box on the subject.
One side says that sometimes you just have to pretend, fake it... you cover up your pain and discomfort and you tell everybody your are "good". Don't get me wrong I can see the idea of this sentiment... I can understand it, to some degree it is easier than opening up, being vulnerable...sometimes it is safer.
My issues have come when I have felt like I was trying to deceive... not just other people...but especially myself. First of all I am happy to share a lot about my medical life... but I was taught manners by a loving Grandma and I have trust issues ;), so I am not one to "spill my guts". On the other hand I have found that some sharing, in the right situation with the right person can be a healing process for all parties. I am also learning the importance of "To Thine Ownself beTrue".
So with that I decided that I am not going to lie to myself... I won't say I am Good when I am not... I won't deny that I am in pain or that I am struggling.
It is real... I am living it...I can't ignore it and think it will just go away.
BUT! and it's a big BUT.... I can't live my life always complaining, letting some pain and discomfort rain on the rest of this beautiful life experience...putting things off and wait for a "good day" to show itself. Time is to precious, energy is a commodity I am not willing to waste in waiting. I have SO much in my life that isn't disease and pain.
So I believe the hidden treasure I have searched for is as simple as a well known scripture turned song...
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
SO
a balance in all things and everything in it's season
The balance in all things reminds me that although it can feel like medical things can at times consume my energy and time...I can still balance my life. No it will not always be equal..as in 50-50... at times it might have to be 90-10, but my goal is to keep it balanced, not always "fair" or "equal" but balanced and I think I might be starting to get the hang of that (like a baby learning to hold it's head up... I have got a lot more to learn)
Everything in it's season won't keep me from doing what I love...all of the time....but it does remind me that I need to take care of myself, because I have also discovered that I am important enough to take care for, and that is not a selfish thing. So I will rest and go to dreaded appointments, I will also have to sacrifice sometimes the things I want for the things I need.... and that is OK♥ I am still me...Stacy Lynn...and I will still wear my heart on my heart on my sleeve, I will still give all I can, I am and will continue to be the best mom I can be, a loyal friend , and a happy fun loving girl. I will also be true to myself, so if you ask me "How are you?" expect a polite honest answer...usually I am "Ok" :) and sometimes I am "Good" or even "Great" and every once in awhile "I am here".
So I guess I am not going to Fake it until I Make it.... because I will just Make It...balanced and honest in it's own time.
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